The End Is Nigh

In a sure sign of the impending apocalypse, Creed has reunited and is recording a new album. Why do I care? Because Creed represents everything that sucks about rock and roll. Specifically:

• Terrible lyrics
• Wannabe Eddie Vedder vocals
• Uninspired and unoriginal song structures
• An undeserved sense of self-worth (watch ANY of their music videos for Scott Stapp’s Jesus Christ pose)
  

I think of Creed as the waste product of a giant, music-eating monster that consumed all the elements of 90s hard rock, digested it, and pooped it out. The resulting steaming, musical pile of crap—named Creed—was the undigested remnants of great bands like Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam, Tool, and Metallica. It was awful, yet they somehow sold millions of albums.

Creed is a lot like Nickelback (another bunch of no-talent-ass-clowns), in that no one ever admits to actually liking the band. No one, that is, except for the guy I parked next to last summer at a triathlon who was BLASTING Creed from his car’s stereo. I’m sure this moron will be calling Tickmaster the second tickets go on sale for Creed’s upcoming tour where they make tons of money that they don’t deserve.

In short, I hate Creed. Please do not support this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad band. Perhaps only then will they fester away into the obscurity they deserve.